This Summer
Forgive the New New Yorkers
for they know not what they do
But if it happens again remind them,
with the illist of mirth, roasting them
as your sons under the sun
with horizontal incinerating hand 👋🏾🔥🔥
down from their head with your accented mouth
to land on whatever those are on their feet ,
like they do so gracefully in the south
Let them know that hiking shoes in the summer is a no go
Unless you’re taking a deep hike out of this concrete playground
Let um know that because the AC in the train is high
You put on quarter length socks with branded sandals
Like a fútbol player taking a long break at halftime
When they seem perplexed and angry at you,
ironically flaunting shorts and Tims in this humidity
Let um know they keep you cool and improve traction during jay walking
Where you immediately make a hypotenuse 📐
but later walk the shortest distance
Where sometimes you hastily cut across to avoid being hit up
Or stomp down slowly, swaying and smirking
like a proud preschooler reporting no Fs were given!
Let um know that wheat and leather on foot
Is also how you avoid dirt in the park
That that branded tree,
let’s the rats and other summertime rodents know
you ain’t nothing to mess with
That said, make sure to reinforce the lesson
that despite all this glowing stylo dripping
this sweat inducing indulgence is uniquely yours
And that common sense is still the more pervasive choice
By way of netted chancletas, sneakers of all lengths and boat shoes
whose laces unfold like the indecisive pouting arms of spoiled children
And on to the not, be sure to warn
Despite the love shown to pre-owned things
under no condition should they take up
The plastic covered bed in decent shape
sitting on the sidewalk for all to see!👀
And to see is to believe,
So prompt them to look closer if they doubt the warning
Hastily invite them to a Frio Frio on the corner
Tell um know it’s harmless despite the vampire lips
Which if they don’t feel, tell um
to place the cash and pull the resilient string of la vecina’s dumbwaiter
rappelling down the window with that homemade coconut treat
And if they still not with the shits
tell um where to look in the bodega for Mamacitas Ices
After all that sit um down by the gusting hydrant you just opened
Using the beat from the ice cream truck
Inquire on how they would approach Montana’s living insult
perusing food labels in their kitchen at night?
Tell them the story of how a few summers ago
Movie theaters became the domain
for warring factions of bed bugs
In that vein them um the power of jabón de cuaba
for laundry and those visiting friends with questionable hygiene
Take this time to warn them that a new wave of
Rompers, inverted short shorts, and scantily clad summer dresses
May be received with the often-undesired harmonics of catcalling
which despite continued efforts remain
like the smoking embers at the park BBQ’s end
Find out if they like to try the summer nightlife,
Inquire on how advanced their club math is
Do they know the 2 males to every female ratio?
That the probability of entering is increased by
getting to the club earlier and the addition of women
All subject to the effects of attire, shoe wear and fit
Follow up to ask, whether they knew the formula is completely void
upon quote “attractive” one(s) being removed from the equation
Or that even if they’re almost let in, they still might have a problem in some places,
if rolling as a coterie of people of many hues and diverse Asian ancestries,
warn them that there might be, a surprise surcharge just before the dance floor
Illustrate on nearby tree, on how to say no thanks or when rejected plie,
curtsey or say f*ck you -without saying f*ck you- with grace
note that despite the disproval or mal treatment at the door
the bouncer is often just a messenger, The prejudice façade
And where they do get passed this gatekeeper
Be sure they know to tread with care on that rooftop
where the static faces of totem like men and sedentary women
Sometimes stare wildly at your dancing joy
That said, they just might be chill and inebriated people
And if you stare back at just the right moment
you just might catch a twostep in progress
So don’t mind them,
watch out for those quick to anger-mines tho
Who trigger when stepped on even by accident! 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♂️
Move through the space with purpose and politeness
Politely inspect 🔬 and reject drinks tinted with finagled intents
Show clenched restraint with cash for those loosely looking to finesse you
Order for yourself at the bar with phone showing
Your no soy pendejo tipsy drink request in large text
Proceed to dance like you’re looking for a battle to the beat
but remember how this is NYC, there’s not much space
And when it’s time to leave by flashing lights, dwindling fun, or smacked fatigue
Listen past the fading ringing to your stomach’s request on where to
Head next is the diner for that somewhat quite hash brown delight
Where that newly narcoleptic friend should not have too many photos taken
or penises drawn on their face with their food
Go to the Cuchifritos truck or the super bodega
for that fried longaniza and batata remedy
make way to those halal guys who are always looking out for you,
just look at that price, tasty food and red sauce warning that
you may have to make a line at the friet shop
The price of queuing around for invaluable extra sauce
Or just head to that pizza spot on the corner not too far
Eat up all that grease on the spot, take it in a bag in the taxi or don’t
drop it on the platform
You know why, they should know to
not fall asleep on the train wih headphones in, be alarmed
estimating how long it will take nap shifts
with your vigilant NYC friend
Who won’t hesitate to fight if need be
But if losing knows not to pull the brake
Make your aware awake-self ass up the stairs,
Attempt to open door to bed the potential headache
count your blessings for surviving the night
Be ready for the park the next day
Note:
Roast(ing) like comedy roast
AC: Air Conditioning
vecina (Esp) neighbor (femine)
finagle, obtaining something dishonestly or acting in a devious manner
friet (NL, BE): fries
no soy pendejo (Esp): I’m not gullable, stupid, oblivious to the game being run
De Largo Haleine 